A Gospel of Understanding

This evening I've been thinking about M. Russell Ballard's book, "Our Search for Happiness,"¹ most particularly, about the purpose he states in the introduction, as to why he writes the book. He writes, "Consider for a moment the word understanding. It's a simple word, really - one that most of us use every day. But it means something that is quite remarkable. With understanding we can strengthen relationships, revitalize neighborhoods, unify nations, and even bring peace to a troubled world. Without it chaos, intolerance, hate, and war are often the result. In other words, misunderstanding."²

Okay, so maybe where I want to go isn't that extreme. However, the more I think about it, the more I am convinced that the gospel of Jesus Christ is a gospel of understanding; and that understanding comes by communication. Verbs such as "preach"³, "teach"⁴, "expound"⁵, "exhort"⁶, "testify"⁷ fill the holy scriptures. The Messiah has often given the invitation, "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: for every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened."⁸ It is by revelation that we may receive answers to prayers and come to know our Heavenly Father. These are all forms of communication, that we may better understand who we are, our relationship with our God, and our purpose here on earth.

So where do I want to go with all of this? I want to apply this principle to our everyday lives. Consider for a moment your best friend. Why do you have such a close relationship with that person? Why are you best friends? Perhaps it is because of the level of understanding you have for one another, which understanding comes by experiencing things together, as well as communicating with one another. There's a level of trust that is built when experiencing things together; and the greater the trust that is felt, the deeper the communication becomes, which increases the level of understanding. It's a beautiful thing!

I personally believe that marriages and families would be strengthened if husband and wife, brother and sister, would communicate more with each other. Of course, a couple of factors need to be kept in mind. First, it'd be well to focus on the good qualities of each other and care for each other; otherwise, the openness might actually be too brutal. Second, the other person needs to help create a comfortable atmosphere to communicate. No one wants to share how they feel to someone who really doesn't listen, or who will tear them down.

Stephen R. Covey does a really good job conveying the importance of communication and learning how to communicate to understand. In his book "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" he explains a concept he calls "Seek first to understand, then to be understood". Within this concept he talks about how we need to listen empathically. He writes, "When I say empathic listening, I mean listening with intent to understand. I mean seeking first to understand, to really understand...Empathic (from empathy) listening gets inside another person's frame of reference. You look out through it, you see the world the way they see the world, you understand their paradigm, you understand how they feel."⁹

A lot of times I think we view communication as "What do I want to communicate? How can I get people to understand me?" It's often a selfish perspective that we have, even if we don't intend it to be. Perhaps, if we try changing our view of communication to "What does he/she want to communicate? How can I understand him/her?" then the level of understanding in our society would be much better.

Joseph Smith once explained, "And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there [in the celestial kingdom], only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy."¹⁰ Communication is a part of that sociality. If we can realize how powerful our communication can be, then we can use it to bless the lives of others and help each other make the progress necessary to grow and fill our future potential as children of God.

This life is all about relationships. May we all be willing to communicate with each other and seek to understand one other, so that we can strengthen the relationships we have and build new, everlasting ones.


References:
1. Ballard, R.M. "Our Search for Happiness". Salt Lake City, Utah. 2006, M. Russell Ballard.
2. Ballard, R.M. "Our Search for Happiness". Salt Lake City, Utah. 2006, M. Russell Ballard. Page 1.
3. Isaiah 61:1; Matthew 4:17
4. Deuteronomy 6:7; Matthew 4:23
5. Luke 24:27; Alma 18:39
6. 1 Timothy 6:2; D&C 19:37
7. John 3:11; Jacob 7:11
8. Matthew 7:7-8; Luke 11:10-11; 3 Nephi 14:7-8; D&C 4:7
9. Covey, S.R. "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change". New York. 1989 by Stephen R. Covey. Page 240.
10. D&C 130:2